A Black Christmas
by GryffindorAtHeart
Summary: Ever wondered what finally made Sirius crack? What finally made him leave 12 Grimmauld Place forever? Well here is my story, my version of what happened all those years ago... ONESHOT


**Disclaimer: _Everything you recognise is courtesy of the amazing J.K.Rowling and her fabulous Harry Potter series. The rest is mine!_**

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**A Black Christmas**

It is a day I will never forget. It was a day of pain, of suffering; a day of happiness and of joy. A day I rarely talk about, but a day I think of often. The day I left.

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I remember it as if it was yesterday. It was the Christmas holiday's of my sixth year at Hogwarts and my mother had requested that I was at home that holiday. Why I didn't know. Since I had been sorted into Gryffindor my mother and father had always requested that I stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas and Easter, something I was more than happy to do. I mean what better way to spend your holiday's than with your best friends? By reeking havoc and making Lily Evans have fits over the mess we'd made in the common room? By making Snivellus the school prat by changing his Slytherin robes to Gryffindor one and dying his hair red and gold? 

However, for some strange reason, I accepted my mother's invitation. Why I don't know. Maybe it had something to do with me wanting to see Andromeda, my favourite cousin who had promised to drop in. Not only would I see my favourite cousin, but I would be able to see my mother screaming 'Blood-traitor' and 'Filth not worth the name of Black' at someone other than me. Not I liked Andromeda being shouted at, but it made me feel good that I wasn't the only Blood-traitor in my family, or the first.

So I packed my trunk and got on the Hogwarts Express with James, Remus and Peter that cold winter's morning. As usual we ran up and down the train attacking random Slytherin's, and hanging Snivellus upside down by his ankles. But then our fun was over and we arrived at Kings Cross. I had only just got off the train when a hand grabbed my ear and sharply pulled me towards a Portkey. My mother always used a Portkey to travel to Platform 9 ¾ as there was no way a Pureblood like her was going to be seen in the Muggle part of the station.

"Let go!" I growled, trying to wriggle free from my mother's grip. "I haven't said bye to Jam-"

"The Potter boy?" my mother cut in.

"Yes."

"Well, there is no need to say goodbye to a Blood-traitor like him Sirius." She told me sharply. "Now take hold of the Portkey"

"But..."

"But nothing Sirius. Do as you are told for once and try and act like your brother!" she instructed me waving her hand towards my younger brother Regulas and giving him a loving look. A look I hadn't recieved from my mother since I was about six.

I glared at Regulas as he smirked back, one hand placed on the Portkey, the other around his trunk and broom. Grudgingly I placed a hand on the Portkey. Once my mother's had joined mine and Regulas's I felt a sharp pain behind my navel as we were whisked away back to 12 Grimmauld Place.

12 Grimmauld Place. Oh! How I hated my childhood home. How I always dreaded coming back and having to stay in it's gloomy rooms and dank corridors. The place was so depressing, and brought back bad memories from when I was younger. Grim-mold was more like it.

As we landed, my feet hit the floor. Thankfully my knees didn't buckle and I stayed standing, which was more than could be said for dear old Reggie. He lay there sprawled on the floor, as if he had just fallen off his broom. I snorted at him; in return I received a hard smack around the back of my head from my mother's hand-bag. I growled lowly as I skulked off upstairs rubbing the back of my head before pushing Kreacher out of my way. Stupid house-elf.

At the start of the holiday's I confined myself to my room, leaving only for the bathroom, for some meals, and for more ink and parchment when I ran out. I was constantly writing to James that holiday, and I have to admit I was slightly jealous. He seemed to be having so much fun with his parents. One day his dad was going taking him to see the Hollyhead Harpies verses our favourite Quidditch Team, the Appleby Arrows and then when he got home his mum was making him her famous chiken pie followed by gyspy tart. And then there was me who was stuck in my room. Mind you, I did get some kicks out of my room, especially when it came to my mother. I had used a Permanent Stick Charm (even though I was underage at the time) to make sure my mother would never be able to take down any of my decorations. Decorations including; Gryffindor banners, Muggle posters of scandalously clad women leaning across automobiles and photo's of me and my fellow Marauder's.

"Take this down at once Sirius Black!" my mother yelled when she came into my two day's before Christmas.

"Can't" I replied, a small grin on my face. This was going to be fun. I could tell by the anger twisted into my mother's face.

"What do you mean you can't!?" she spat, her eyes flashing dangerously from the red and gold to the unnaturally still posters.

"I can't take them down because of the Permanent Stick Charm" I said calmly, leaning back casually into my chair, my feet resting on the parchment scattered desk top. At this point I saw Regulas's head poke around my door to see what the commotion was. I knew he had only come to see my mother abuse and shun me. But her words meant nothing to me now. I'd heard them so often I had learnt to ignore them, to bloke them out. If anything they made me laugh, and that just made my mother madder.

"Fine." She growled; a growl so like mine. "Well then take these. You will need them for the ball tomorrow." At this she threw me a pair of dark green robes, the neck and sleeves richly embroidered in black and silver thread.

"I'm not wearing those" I said in disgust, throwing them back.

"Oh yes you will Sirius. Otherwise you can forget going back to Hogwarts."

Hogwarts! My beautiful Hogwarts, the one place I called home, the one place where I belonged. And as I was still 16, there was nothing I could do to prevent my mother from writing to Dumbledore and pulling me out of school. I would surely go mad with out Remus and Peter. But with out James. Without my best friend, my partner in crime, my detention buddy, I would die. I would become an empty shell, empty as if a Dementor had sucked out my soul. The thought of this was just too much!

"Fine" I muttered, taking the robes from my mother. As I looked up as I heard Regulas give a small laugh. He loved it when our mother pulled out the Hogwarts card as it always put me into defeat. I gave him a famous Black glare and a growl causing him to squeal and run off. However that landed me with a thump on the head from my mother and a sharp tone saying "Leave Reggie alone." She left.

Finally I was alone again, at least until tomorrow night. Then my nightmares would become real. For as long as I can remember, every Christmas Eve my mother would hold a ball inviting all of the highest Pureblood families we knew. This would mean my cousins would be here and worst of all, their husbands. Bellatrix would be with her new husband, Lestrange. The foulest couple I ever saw, not to mention one with the least love. I knew she didn't love him; she only married him because of his Pureblood status. I knew where her heart truly lay, with the Dark Arts and a rising Dark Lord named Voldemort. Then there would be Narcissa. Little Miss Perfect and her husband Malfoy. Slime ball. Mind you, I do have to admit there really was love in their relationship. I had seen that during their last two, and my first two years at Hogwarts.

But then there was Andromeda. My beacon of light at these sort of parites! However Andromeda was not to come. It appeared that after her marriage to a Muggle-born and the birth of their Half-Blood daughter she had been completely disowned and erased off all party lists and our family tree. It was a shame really becuase I had really wanted to meet Ted Tonks and little Nymphadora.

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Finally Christmas Eve came, and with it at least 40 Pureblood guests. All of whom were snooty and stuck up, all of whom made me feel sick and disgusted about my heritage. That night was also the first time I saw my father that holiday. He spent most of his time in his study or with Regulas; he had no time for me anymore. 

I stayed in my room for as long as I could. But before long my mother was dragging me by my ear downstairs into the ballroom. A silence fell as I entered the room, heads turned in my direction as my mother shunned me into the corner.

"Right where he belongs" a sneer came not to far from me. I looked up at the woman who had spoke, a pale yet dark woman with black cascades of curls and heavily lidded eyes; Bellatrix. Anger began to pump through my veins as everyone began talking again, ignoring me as if I wasn't there, as if I were a figure of their imagination. I was not used to this at Hogwarts. At Hogwarts I was a god, worshipped for my pranks and good looks. Here I was nothing; here I was worse than a house-elf.

Eventually my father came over to me and dragged me over to where Abraxas Malfoy, Narcissa's father-in-law was stood.

"Don't say a word boy. Just listen and do as you're told" my father hissed just before we reached the aging man. "My son" my father said to Abraxas with a swift wave in my direction.

After a glare from my father, I gave a small bow and muttered "Pleasure sir" through gritted teeth.

Abraxas gave me a nod of acknowledgment before continuing his conversation with my father. "I have to say that this Tom Riddle fellow is on the right tracks. I have told my Lucius that I would be very proud if he joined this Riddle's campaign. He of course told me he had already thought about it, and after talking to Bellatrix he had decided to join."

"Yes, yes" my father said gruffly. "Regulas has also shown some interest in the matter."

"What is Mr. Riddle's campaign, sir?" I asked as politely as I could, with out sounding too interested.

Abraxas eyed me for a moment before obliging to answer my question. "To stamp out filthy Mudblood's of course."

I bit my lip at the word 'Mudblood'. I had to force myself not to shout at him for using such a word. "How?" I asked, my voice sounding quite strained.

Thankfully he didn't hear the strain and again answered my question. "By any means necessary young Sirius. Even if we have to round them all up and take their wands, or kill them off one by one."

By now I was fuming, all my strength was focussed on not bursting into some rage, and telling Abraxas what an idiot he and the rest of the room were. He continued.

"You see, we Pureblood's have to put our foot down. With all these Mudblood's taking over important positions at the Ministry, our people are losing jobs and money. We have to keep our Pureblood heritage alive by any means necessary."

"What like incest?" I asked, my anger reaching its limits and spilling over.

"What did you say?" my father growled.

And here was where my Gryffindor courage kicked in. "I said, 'Like incest?'" I said loudly, once again making a silence fall on the room. Every head turned in my direction as I continued to speak. "So to keep our Pureblood heritage alive we've got to kill all the Muggle-borns, many who are very talented and shag our cousins and close family?"

That was it, I'd done it. I could see my father crack, but before he could reach me with wand or hand I was knocked off my feet and sent flying across the room. I hit the wall with such force that I was winded, gasping for breath I slid down the wall and crumpled on to the floor. I looked up for the source of my 'flying expedition'. And there on the opposite side of the room, a sly grin on her face was Bellatrix, her wand still pointing in my direction.

"Awww. Ickle, bitty, baby cousin." She sneered as she sauntered towards me. She flicked her wand and I was raised to my feet, unable to do anything. "What's the matter Gryffindor? Unable to protect yourself? Unable to be the man you think you are?" she laughed icily sending a chill down my back. She realised her spell and I fell to my knees, anger and humiliation now pumping through my veins at such a speed that I didn't think about what I did next. I stood up and hurtled myself at Bellatrix, grabbing her hair pulling her to the floor. She let out a yell of pain and as she dropped her wand I raised my hand to hit her but before my blow fell I was dragged off her by father.

Within a minute he had dragged me upstairs and into the drawing room. He threw me to floor, his wand pointing at my heart.

"What do you think you were doing?" he asked me, his voice was calm but his eyes were flashing dangerously.

"Speaking the truth." I muttered.

"The truth? The truth!?" he asked, raising his voice slightly. "I'll teach you what the truth really is." he hissed as he lifted his wand.

And that's when I screamed. It only last for a couple of seconds, pain beyond pain. A feeling I never thought was possible. My whole body felt as if it were on fire, as if I were being stabbed by a million tiny needles.

"This is the truth." he spat, pulling me to my feet and forcing me to look at large tapestry that hung on the wall. "Over ten generations we can trace back our Pureblood roots. Over ten generations of Slytherin. And then you came along. You may have broken one family tradition, but you won't break anymore. You will marry a Pureblood from a good family. And you will do as you are told."

"No."

"What did you say?"

"I said 'no'. I am not going to marry a Pureblood. If I do marry, which I don't plan to do, then it'll be a Muggle or no one." I told him as calmly as I could, although my voice shook with anger.

"Oh no you won't."

"Oh yes I will. And there is nothing you can do to stop me."

"Oh really?" he asked, pure malice in his voice. This time I heard the word escape his lips. The word that had coursed me so much pain before. "Crucio!"

I fell to my knees clutching my head in agony. Once again the sensation of my body being on fire began, as did the feeling of the being stabbed by millions of needles. The pain grew worse and worse until I finally let out a scream and every bone in my body felt as if it was being broken again and again and again. I reached for my pocket, my fingers grasped around my wand.

"EXPELLIARMUS!" I yelled with all the energy I could muster. At once the pain lifted and my father yelled as he was thrown against a cupboard. That's when I heard the bangs from downstairs, people running to my fathers rescue. "Accio trunk!" I said stepping into the empty fire grate as I grabbed a fist full of Floo powder. The door burst open, and in flew my trunk. I knew there was a good reason not to unpack. Behind it came my mother her eyes ablaze.

"You!" she hissed raising her wand in my direction, her mouth open again, and I heard her begin to speak the words of her incantation "Avad-"

I never heard the rest. My trunk had landed next to me and I had dropped the Floo power muttering only one thing over and over again. "The Potter's Mansion, the Potter's Mansion, the Potter's Mansion, the Potter's Mansion..."

I don't remember arriving at James's house. I must have passed out along the journey through the Floo network. All I remember is waking up, the sun warm on my face as it shone through a gap in the curtains. I felt safe and warm in a comfy bed wrapped up in a thick duvet. A bed and duvet that I knew so well and the smell of lavender from the washing powder the Potter's used. But then a new smell reached me. Aftershave, but not any aftershave. James's!

"James?" I muttered, opening my eyes slowly.

"MUM! MUM! He's awake" I heard the familiar voice of my best friend.

I smiled as James's face came into focus, a look of relief on his face and shining in his hazel eyes that hid behind his glasses and messy raven hair. I smiled at him and he grinned back. "Happy Christmas mate!" he said, passing me a large present as I pushed myself up on the pillows.

At last I was safe, and I would never go back there again. I was free.

* * *

It was only at the end of the Christmas holiday's that I finally told James what had really happened. He was shocked, but believed every word about how cruel and twisted my family were. He in turn told Remus and Peter for me, as I hated to talk of that day. To talk about what happened to me, of how my own flesh and blood tortured me with an Unforgivable Curse.

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It is a day I will never forget. It was a day of pain, of suffering; a day of happiness and of joy. A day I rarely talk about, but a day I think of often. The day I left.

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**_Thank you everyone! Please review! I hope you like it!_**

**_.: Izzy :._**


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